The Conversation Every Sports Parent Needs to Have With Their Kid

Let me start by saying that many parents will read the first few sentences and keep scrolling — and that's okay. As parents, we spend countless hours, and years, supporting our kids through their athletic endeavors. Traveling near and far to games, the hotels, the club fees — it's a lot. I say this because I understand how we can get tunnel vision when it comes to our kid's athletic future.

When your kid has been playing volleyball for six years, gets to high school, and decides "I don't want to do this anymore," what's our first reaction as parents? "Don't quit." "What about all the years we invested?" But no matter how many years we spend on our craft, it's certain that we evolve — and that means our interests change. Sometimes exiting something is evolution, not quitting. And sometimes it isn't. The only way to tell the difference is to have the conversation.

What to say when your athlete wants to quit

Whether your kid is a five-star recruit or just hoping to make the team, here's what every kid needs to hear in the conversation:

Remind them they aren't defined by their sport. They are great at plenty of other things too — so name them. Be specific about what you see in them off outside of their sport.

Help them explore what else they're good at. If your kid doesn't know, that's a great opportunity, not a problem. (My earlier post, When Sports Become Your Child's Whole Identity, digs into this.)

Check-ins matter. Before, during, and after the season, ask how they feel about playing. Are they having fun? Are they learning? How do they feel about the team they're on? These answers give us clues, as parents, about where they are emotionally and socially. It's easy to mistake a high level of play for a sign that everything's fine — but a kid's emotional state and their level of play aren't always one and the same.

Talk about athletic standards. This is an educational conversation, so your athlete is self-aware about where they stand among their peers. When you're only focused on how well your child is doing compared to everyone else, you can't show them what it will actually take to reach the next level — if that's the goal. Remember: this isn't an emotional assessment of your kid's character. It's the business of sports.

Ask the honest questions — and mean them. As a track athlete in high school, I went through a lot at home but was still able to perform at a high level. Some kids can separate the two, so it's worth asking: "How are you feeling?" "Are you still happy with your sport, your coaches, your team?"

When the parents of that volleyball player finally had the conversation, they learned their daughter was burned out — she'd played almost year-round for six years. She was curious about the arts and wanted to explore show choir. That's not quitting. That's a kid evolving. And they only knew because they asked.

These conversations give you real data on where your kid stands emotionally. We all know the canned answer our kids give when we ask "How's it going?" — so let's dig deeper.

For more tips, read my previous blogs on our website.

Lorraine Eloms | Top Speed Athletics & Mental Performance and Life Coaching, helping young athletes develop the mental and emotional tools to compete and thrive.