How to Build Mental Toughness in Young Athletes What Mental Toughness Really Means.
I once trained an athlete who had a really bad habit of quitting. She quit before she finished every drill and every rep. It was a habit we had to break, because the consequences of quitting in life are much greater. She didn't know it, but my personal goal for her that season was to help her break the habit of quitting. It wasn't about making varsity or breaking records — it was about helping her build something she needed for life.
"Try harder." "Be tough." "Don't quit — keep going." Does any of this sound familiar? These are common things we've all said at one point to encourage our kids to push through adversity during competition. Our natural instinct is to help so our kid can shine. But the question I had to ask myself was this: do my words actually help?
The first sign that they're working is changed behavior. Whenever you've said these things from the stands or on the car ride home, did you see a change? If you didn't, here's why:
Find connection. Ask how they feel when competition gets hard. Getting them to identify the emotion is extremely important — you cannot manage what you cannot name.
Seek understanding. Ask whether they actually understand what you're asking them to do when you say those words. If they can't put their understanding into words, that may be the reason the behavior isn't changing.
Define it. Whether your athlete says they understand your words or not, remind them what mental toughness means when they struggle. Everyone needs a refresher now and then.
I've heard a lot of definitions of mental toughness. Simply put: mental toughness is the ability to keep doing what the moment requires when it gets hard.
Here's where it gets a little complicated. Once we understand what mental toughness means, how do we actually build it? Mental toughness grows through reps — through collecting small wins. When I train athletes, I'm intentional about highlighting those small wins, because each one is a signal that they conquered a hard thing. As the wins add up, their belief and confidence grow, and they get better and better at handling the big moments in competition.
One honest note: kids don't all start from the same place. Some are wired to push through, others aren't — and that's normal. Every athlete can develop mental toughness; they just begin the climb from different spots.
The biggest thing that causes setbacks along the way is focusing only on the outcome instead of the small wins. Think about it: if I'm making 20% of my free throws, I need to collect a lot of small wins before I'm making 90% — that kind of improvement doesn't happen overnight. Over-focusing on the outcome leads to disappointment after every game, because the goal was unrealistic to begin with.
So build mental toughness the way it's actually earned: by conquering one hard thing at a time, no matter how small, and keeping score of your wins.
That athlete I mentioned at the start? By the end of the season, she finished every drill and every rep. We tracked her wins all year, and her confidence grew until she believed she could finish what she started — something that used to be really hard for her. I was so proud of her.
For more tips, schedule a session with me right here on our website.
Lorraine Eloms | Top Speed Athletics & Mental Performance and Life Coaching, helping young athletes develop the mental and emotional tools to compete and thrive.
